I share some of my personal experiences in the hope that others who may be going through something similar will realize that they are not alone, that they are not the only person to ever go through something like this, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am by nature a very private person but I am passionate about helping others, and making someone else's journey a little easier! About 10 days after having a new baby, I was doing too much, too soon, I wasn't getting the rest I needed and was pretty stressed out. I remember feeling something shift in my brain, It was as if someone switched the lights out. I felt a sense of depression and gloom settle over me. I began to think very melancholy and paranoid thoughts and felt like something was terribly wrong with me. I couldn't escape the darkness in my own head, or make the paranoid thoughts and feelings go away. I felt ill, physically and mentally. Here I was with a brand new beautiful baby and I didn't feel well enough to enjoy her. I was able to take care of myself, the baby and not much else for weeks that turned into months.
I went to see my doctor and she couldn't find anything wrong with me. She asked all kinds of questions and scheduled a bunch of tests for me. She never said anything to me about what she thought was wrong, she just handed me a stack of brochures as I was leaving. They were brochures with information on depression and anxiety. She never told me that she thought I was suffering from post partum depression, she just handed me some papers and I guess she planned on me figuring it out for myself. After all the tests came back negative, I began to realize that there wasn't anything wrong with me, at least nothing that could be determined from a test, but I had a very difficult time convincing myself that I was okay when I felt so awful! I have always been interested in health and nutrition, so I assumed it must be some kind of imbalance or deficiency. I began to watch my diet very carefully avoiding processed foods and sugars, juicing fruits and vegetables and eating a very healthy diet. I was doing everything I could think of to heal my nerves like hot baths, massages, getting lots of sleep, avoiding stress, and taking a variety of herbs like St. John's wart and Valerian Root. l remember one warm afternoon, I was sitting on my back deck soaking up some sun, when I felt a feeling I hadn't felt for a long time , it was a feeling of Joy! It was as if the light in my head had been switched back on! I sat there soaking it in, barely moving for fear it would leave. I hadn't felt Joy in such a long time and I was afraid if I moved it would go away! At that moment I had hope that I could be well again! It only lasted a few moments but that was when I began to have hope, hope that I could once again have joy in my life! From that moment on I began to get better. It seemed like two steps forward and one step back for quite a while, but eventually I felt like myself again. I had found joy again! "Fall seven times, stand up eight." ----- Japanese proverb
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